This is the first post that I am making this year…it should have come about one and a half months ago..but you know..sometimes in the life of writer(especially an inexperienced and an aspiring one) you wake up with a story…full of words and settle down to write a piece..the story flows word after word…you personally enjoy it and the story tells itself…now those are the good days..
Now there are these other days…when you have a story to tell..but you lose your mojo..you collect your words..compose your sentences, but when you settle down to write..the words dissolve in some volatile liquid that chemists still don’t know…then the words evaporate…and they never condense back..so you are left with a story…but you lack the words….now those are the bad days…and this year..there has been a lot of bad days,otherwise I wouldn’t be telling you a new year’s story in February…so come with me…take your mind back to the festive season…flashback to December…31st,2014…and you will find it easy to relate to this piece…is that too much to ask of you?..I hope not..so we begin…shall we?
Everybody plans for a new year….I don’t mean those new years resolution which have half lives of 14 days(you still remember your chemistry and would know what half life means,wouldn’t you?)…I don’t mean those longterm new years plans line getting married(whether planned, forced or accidental marriage)….Here am talking about the plans of welcoming the new year..that period in between 31st Dec of the outgoing year and the 1st January of the incoming year.
Some people plan to cross it over in church-God bless their souls….some cross it over in a drunken stupor..God still loves them..remember He is an all loving God…some people plan to cross it,but they never cross it…the sky is full of stars of fallen heroes….be thankful that you saw 2015…thank your God..kneel down and pray(now am beginning to sound like one of the local pastors who preaches to you in a country bus headed to Kisumu,but when but bus reaches Westlands,he tells you ‘’sasa mchungaji anahitaji nauli ya kurudi town kuendeleza hudumu ya Mwenyezi mungu…and he extorts money out of you…okay,am not hating…am only saying)
And like everybody else, my Boy Mike had plans too..you remember Mike?…one of the few English speaking Masindadzes..or is it Mwasindadze?….the initial plan was to buy some bottles of brandy..buy some food..call a few friends..then cross or close the year at my residence…drinking of course…and praying too….that was the plan….
Time check,2030hrs…Mike calls me…he is from South Coast..he tells me our plan is still valid…more Valid than Lupita’s dreams…but first of all..there was a birthday party going on at Mikindani…so we had to gatecrash the party…..as serious gatecrashers….we don’t leave anything to chance…we had no idea what would be happening at the party..so we buy a bottle of brandy….just in case we find limited supply at the party….Elisha calls me…you would remember Elisha..wouldnt you?….he lives in mikindani too….I tell him we will meet later in the night…of course I couldn’t call another gatecrasher!!!!two is enough..besides Elisha does not know how to behave where there are guests.
Mike’s friend is celebrating her 27th birthday…I don’t know who the lady is…he tells me she is one beautiful lady. He tells me the lady friendzoned him in a way he has never been friendzoned…he stresses the word friendzoned by using his hands…and making his eyes….and I can imagine the friendzone…and the pain….and I tell him…’’take it easy…at least you have a bottle of viceroy’’…okay..the last part isn’t true..am making it up.
We finally get to the party…it’s an indoors party…I finally meet the friendzoner…she is beautiful…and of course I wouldn’t like to be friendzoned by her…her name is Tindi…was it her surname or middle name?…I cant remember…but I remember she was beautiful..Tindi if you are reading this know that you are very beautiful…She had this kind of blond hair(dyed I suppose)..nordic-gold hair to be precise…bristly eye brows affixed to an aesthetic face….imperial nose and joyful eyes…her concave cheek bones rested on skin pulled tight like a bolt of fine cloth…..and her movement?…ooh yea..she moved with cat-like grace…sure of her steps…..stepping on the ground with confidence and power..though no sound comes from her steps….okay…enough of Tindi…I will write her a story one day…
So where was I with our main story?…okay…Mike was doing the introductions..right?….Now I ask Tindi in our language..’’In nyar kanye?’’(which part of luoland do you come from)….She tells me she is from Sakwa…and my eyes brighten with anxiety…of course you know that am from Siaya..and Sakwa is in Bondo…and Bondo is in Siaya county….so this beauty is from my county….you see!!!
Then Tindi drops the thunderbolt and says; ‘’it’s not the Sakwa that you think…am talking about sakwa in Nyakach(or was it Kano?)..not the sakwa in Siaya”….my heart breaks…..then she asks further…’’which part of Nyakach do you know?’’…and for once am starting to think that they conspired with Mike to humiliate me with such question!!!…honestly..i have never even stepped in Nyakach…is it in Kisumu county anyway?..why would such a beauty be born in Nyakach instead of my Siaya….in fact that name Nyakach sounds like some bitter west African herb!!!…My friend Philip…am not hating..I know your mum comes from Nyakach….am only expressing my disappointment.
Meanwhile our bottle of viceroy is half way….Tindi sends a lady to ask us what we would drink…Mike says another quarter of the brandy would do….more guests arrive..many ladies…and there is this particular one…long pony tail hair…a mini skirt…white high heeled shoes…small in size…my friend Alvoh would describe her as portable and laptop size…..she seems nice….i whisper to Mike..’’lazima ntachukua namba yake yule’’….one sip after another and I totally forget about her number…Tindi..if you are reading this….tell her I forgot to pick her number….unfortunately I forgot the name too….
It’s close to midnight…the year is closing…everyone is jittery about it….meal is served…the best chapatti I have eaten in a long time….by the way my sisters make chapattis every Sunday…and I think if they cant make chapatti as sweet as Tindi’s chapattis ..then they can as well stop making those chapattis…let them boil strong tea..i would be okay with that….who can offer to tell them this in a friendly way..?..anybody please?
Its past midnight…now we need to leave Tindi…she sees us off to the stage….she hugs Mike and my tipsy state makes me need a hug too…then I remember that I only met her 3 hours ago….wanting a hug would be too dramatic..wouldn’t it?..hehehe…
We head to town..I call Elisha…he tells me he at Buxtone Ohangla club…but where else would you expect to find Elisha?..the guy cant speak Swahili..so he has to be in a place where people will either be speaking English or Luo…..
So I take Mike to his debut to an Ohangla club…..we find Elisha trying to hold the waist of some voluminous woman in a dance….the place is full to capacity..getting a seat is a problem…but we are with Elisha…one joke after another with a waiter…and we have seats….we order….make some dances between the sips…..we are getting worn out….we finish our drinks…we need to head home…but of course Elisha remains…he cant imagine leaving all these pleasure just to go home and sleep!!!!
We are headed to the exit..we pass by the urinals….we find a man drunk and leaning on the urinals..almost falling down….he has vomited on the floor….green vomit….Another man comes and sees the suffering man and tells him;’’ eiii!! Omera..naona pesa yako inakutesa”….the drunk man lifts his head…looks at the man and says nothing….Another man comes back and takes note of the green spew and tells him; ‘’Omera…ukitaka kunywa pombe kula nyama kwanza..usikule sukuma alafu unakuja kunywa pombe’’…the drunk man isn’t taking that insult lying down..he ejaculates back; ‘’Hapana..nilikula nyama..alafu nikakula sukuma…nilitapika ya kwanza nikatapika nyama yote..sasa hii ni mara ya pili natapika..ndio kwa maana natapika sukuma’’….The drunk had a point….wouldnt you agree?….Mike and I take a matatu home…..Its a happy new year.
evansagolla 
you are very creative..
shukran sana.